Mushygrey’s Weblog

     I was walking along the dusty street of Recto. I’ve been wandering all alone, trying to catch up with the busy lives of the living species around me. With this keen eyes of mine, I’ve noticed a signage. It’s not that attractive as it could be, actually i think it had been rusted by the series of weather changes (well, of course it’s normal. we’ll be having a not so normal life if the weather doesn’t change. Oh, enough for the side comments.) The colors of the font weren’t matched accordingly, the background of it was colored white (supposedly!) but because of the years it had been hung, dirty white was the outcome. It was not that interesting but then the moment my eyes viewed that signage, some manifestations rushed all over my systems. Well, funny isn’t it, I haven’t said yet what was the signage all about. “Video Editing” offered by some unlicensed and licensed stall owners to students who wished to make their “RTV” productions organized, to any birthday celebrants who wanted to make their compilations of bloopers, memoirs, etc. and basically, they are offering the service to anyone who wishes to have their video to be edited. So, abstractions flew over me, “what if” questions raged against my unconcious mind. What if I had a chance to edit my own screenplay? What if all the terrible situations that I had experienced may be deleted? Queries weren’t good enough to keep me up the pedestal where I am at now. But what if it’s possible to go back or rewind your own movie and eliminate all the unnecessary scenarios? If only I had the power to do it. If only I had corrected all the mistakes I’ve done.

     But thinking it was a screenplay, a movie which is always playing at the back of my brain, scenarios shouldn’t be that good all the time. There should be horrific scenes which will scare the hell out of you, tragic scenes which will make your tears drop, blithe scenes which will make your stomach ache  because you of laughing out loud. Well, I dont have to name all of the possible scenes we encountered or we might encounter. The thing is, these unforgettable events- no matter how misery or blissful it is- made you a better person. You are now robust and can face the reality.

     So, who says someone needs video editing? I wont be needing it as well. I’d rather laugh at my own stupidities and think of a better solution. My movie was not that splendid but it wont be reformatted or edited. I will keep my movie playing, I can rewind it but just to reminisce the past scenes.

Optimism, as defined by wikipedia, is an outlook on life such that one maintains a view of the world as a positive place. Well, I used to tell my friends to view their life in an optimistic way. I told them to hold on with what they believe. “Never give up!” Such a cliche I used to say. Believing that people and events around you are inherently good.

But why do I tend to give up if there’s a word optimism? Why do I have to say “half-empty” (the pessimist’s way) if I always push my friends to sa “half-full”? Such questions which really confused me and continously confusing me to the point that I dont know myself anymore. Will I make sense if I drown myself into the pit of nothingness?

 I used to be a weak person when I was still in the range of 13-16 years old. When I entered college I gained confidence to face the trials which will enter my life. But then that strength gradually decreased, I became hysterical whenever I encounter such difficulties (well, actually it’s only minor and can be resolved). I am really shallow that time, before my friends knew every details of my worries but now I’m not that transparent anymore. Conspiracy has been my tradestyle nowadays to achieve such satisfaction. Alluring to my ears, it rushed towards my brain until my systems totally experienced a shut-down (It’s like they were saying, “Ooops, bye now we have to go, its all up to you..”). Damn my systems they fail to help me in times of crisis. Well, damn me I guess because I’m the one who is responsible with my systems.

Oh my gosh, here we go again, with this typical line “I promise to change, to be optimistic and have a positive outlook in my life.”. Dear folks, I always say that abused line but still I’m back with my pitiful style of leading my life. Hey, I still need guidance, I need to listen with such advices. Now I’m trying to escape with this labyrinth of negative things. I really mean to change, change for the best. I dont want to drown myself with the vagueness of life.

I need that word “optimism”. I have to view life as a positive roller coaster ride, once you are finished with that ride there’ll be no regrets because you have tried that ride.